Have you ever felt shocked and hit-by-a-cricket-bat in your stomach busted up just wondering how that person who once meant the world to you could do or say something that obnoxious and mean. Well I have. But before I proceed, let me tell you that I have also been that person for someone else and I am aware of that. So then why am I writing this blog? There's a fine line according to me. Sometimes it takes more than you can fathom to understand how to deal with such situations. Sometimes it takes perspective from the other side to understand what is going on in someone else's mind. So lets assume I understand both sides.
There's this thing called as vulnerability. It is a very funny thing, it teaches us so much. It makes us weak but it also makes us strong as hell. When I am vulnerable I think I am most honest and most real. I have no guards, I have no inhibitions, I have no shame. I can tell you what your doing wrong and what hurts me. I can even cry and beg for forgiveness for my misdoings. It has helped me be true to myself and true to what I believe in. You can see right through me when I get like that. Which is pretty often because it is a big part of my personality. And that's why I understand when people get vulnerable with me. I understand what they say or why they say it. I understand what they do and why they do it. And that is why I guess I can forget so many things said and done to me. I can forgive easily and I can bounce back just as quickly. What I cannot do is pretend. There are so many people out there, some of my closest friends and relatives who pretend. They pretend to love you, they pretend to understand you, they pretend to like you, they pretend to be happy for you. and sooner than later, they get tired. They get tired of pretending. And when they reach that stage, they just stop caring.
Don't get me wrong here. I have done these things too. But what I've learned from my mistakes is that people that matter to me don't deserve this. You know, the ones I'm vulnerable with. I don't pretend with them anymore. If I hurt them, I make sure I learn from it and try hard to not repeat it. (This post is not about the word sorry. Because I don't believe in that word. It is just a word. Nobody that uses the word can guarantee that they are sorry in reality. My way of being sorry is showing that I am sorry. Not by fussing over them and all that. I do it by grinding myself behind it). I do it by constantly reminding myself that I must not do that again. That what I did was wrong. That what needs to be done right now is, change. And I have done it. I have changed for people I love. I have worked on myself behind closed doors to try to not repeat those mistakes. So if I have done so much for someone, then it obviously goes without saying that I am not pretending about anything. But like I said, there are people who do pretend. These people remember hurtful things others do or things they don't agree with and then slot them into categories in their minds. Like snobbish, proud, stupid, angry, cool, judgmental. And this is where they go wrong. A person cannot and will not ever be just one type. If we call ourselves close to someone, we should never label them a certain type. Don't confuse this with the obvious labels we put on someone. This label what I'm talking about is the labeling of a person, a personality, a being. And that is wrong. Because that's what gives us blinders. We then start pretending to ourselves. We start building up our own reality. It's a fine line. A very fine line to understand this. We can ruin the sweetest most important of relationships when we try to label people closest to us. When we remember their wrong doings more than their right doings. When we think we know them better than anyone else. When we think that they're inhuman and that everything they do or say is directed at us.
What we must know to do is recognize the good ones from the bad. We all have friends and relatives. Some connect with us and some don't. Some recognize our souls and some don't. But how much importance do we give those few people in our lives that our souls connect to? Do we slap those labels on them? Or do we accept them when they're fighting their demons? And do we accept them when we are fighting ours? Do we make ourselves "vulnerable" to them? Do we at least believe that they deserve to share our vulnerability? Or do we want to be that person who calls themselves "private" but actually are very scared people? Scared to be judged and scared to be questioned because we do it to them? It is a different thing to take time off to figure things out. But it is not healthy to take time off BECAUSE you just don't care enough or feel scared and insufficient. When will we ever let someone in in that case? When will we ever give someone else the key to our heart and soul? How will we connect with someone else without acknowledging the fact that they mean something to us? How will we do justice to those few people who are good to us and who love us for what we are?
In the end, it all boils down to how true we are to our values. We learn about love, kindness, acceptance, positivity. But I really really find these things lacking in the closest of relationships. How on earth will we ever spread positive vibes if we cannot be happy for our loved ones? How much of positivity are we getting to this world if it stops at the beginning itself?
We must understand that the people who have committed themselves to us, need to be loved and cared for. We must understand why they do or say certain things. And trust me, more times than often, it isn't even their fault. It has been us all the while.
